Funny how stages change?

Isn't it funny how your stages can change back and forth.  I feel like we have moved past denial, anger, and depression to acceptance for the most part.  More often than not, that anger seeps back in.  I woke up this morning to find that our new desk was completely organized, all of the things for Shannon's weekend crop were packed up and set aside to go in the van, and the house was a lot cleaner than when I went to bed.  Now, do I think that the helping fairies came by last night to help out?  No, I think Shannon stayed up until after 3:00 am because she was afraid of sleeping through the early morning BS check, and she needed to stay busy.  I guess I knew that's what happened when I popped out of bed at 3:15 am to turn of my blaring alarm, only to be met at the bedroom door by Shannon telling me to go back to bed.

I get so mad that D brings these worst fears out of us.  We both know that the one night we sleep through that early check could be the one where he is plummeting.  On the very rare occasion that we have missed it, everything was fine, but the guilt ate us up.  I hate how tired we are.  No, check that.  I hate how tired Shannon is.  On most nights, she still makes sure that I get more sleep.  She says it is because I have to get up and go to work, but guess what.  So does she!  Stay at home Moms can't be paid a salary because no amount of money is enough to pay them their worth.  Every few days, she gets so exhausted that she lets me take over the 3:00 am checks for a couple of nights.  I generally take the weekends as well, but I wish there was more.

I hate that D forces us into this.  D sucks!  There is my rant.  I know I am preaching to the choir, but hey, I know you get it!