Anyone have ink?

Let's preface this post with something. I was raised in a household where I was threatened within an inch of my life if I got an ear ring. "Ear rings are for girls, are you a girl?" Let me clarify that my parents were not domineering, this was just something they felt very strongly about. You can imagine that if an ear ring was looked on like that, how they felt about tattoos. It just wasn't something that you did.  We were good christian folk :-)

Anyway, when my brother went away to college, things changed a little. My parents eased up and gave me a lot more freedom then he had. Looking back, I realize that it was because all of my friends were from church or the youth christian choir (Maranatha) that I was in. They were still Mom and Dad, just a lighter version.

At some point, my brother got an ear ring. I remember my Dad talking about ripping it. Mom was always thin lipped saying "Oh I can't believe you got that thing". That was it. The world didn't end. I never got one. I just never had a reason to. So life went on.

Fast forward many years, and my brother got a tattoo. He is a die hard Steelers fan, and got a tattoo about his favorite team. Ok, thats cool. When Mom and Dad found out, they didn't like it, but they didn't make a huge deal about it. So now, I think I want one.

However, mine would serve a greater purpose. I have always wanted a black cross on my shoulder. Not sure why. Now, I think I want to incorporate that into a medical alert tattoo on my right forearm. I want to know if any of you have done this. Do you like it? Would you do it again? What do you think?

"But I want diabetes too!"

How do you explain to a 6 year old that diabetes really does suck? He can't see the crappy way his brother feels when he is high or low. He hears us encouraging his brother that pod site changes "don't really hurt that much". What he does see is his brother say "no" to the food everyone else is eating and get something else. He does see his brother get a cup of milk every night right before bed. He does see his brother get banana or applesauce in bed if he is going low. Sometimes we give them both a snack, but it's not good for the 6 year old all the time. Heck, it's not good for the 3 year old, but it is necessary.  He knows that diabetes is "yucky". He just doesn't know why. What he knows is that diabetes allows his brother to get sweet tarts or fruit snacks while we are walking around the zoo. He doesn't understand that his brother's body is on a constant state of upheaval.

And the crowd goes wild!

So we went to the park the other day for some family fresh air. Jackson, our 6 year old non-D child is playing in his first baseball league right now, so we took his equipment to practice. I was all excited because my best friend, who is a baseball umpire, and his wife were visiting. I thought he could help me show Jax some pointers. We threw the ball around for a few minutes and hit a few balls with his bat. Then distraction set in and he was off for a nature walk with mom. I started to pack things up when Joshua, the 3 year old type 1 said "I want to bat". I thought 'oh how cute' and threw the ball to my friend. I went to show Joshua how to stand and hold the bat, but he was already in the right stance. Must have been listening when I was showing his brother. Cool. My buddy throws the first ball and Joshua nails it over his head.

Not like Momma taught me!

Type 1 diabetes goes against everything our momma's taught us when we were kids. Yes, we were expected to clean our plates. However, did your mom ever make something else if you wouldn't eat what was for dinner. No! Absolutely not! That was taboo in the circle of Momhood. I know I heard "you will eat your dinner, or you can have that exact plate for breakfast. Then you can have it for lunch."  Unfortunately, we don't have that luxury as parents of a type 1 child. When my child refuses to eat what we make, there are consequences. Which is better? Sticking to you principles and testing to find a blood sugar of 41, or giving in to the terrorist and having your "because I said so" lose credibility?

The joy of screaming!

Screaming is not a fun experience for parents. Babies come out screaming and we spend the next few months doing whatever we can to get them to stop. Screaming children are the bain of most parents existence. Right after his diagnosis at 11 months old, screaming took on a whole new meaning. Sometimes I loved screaming. Like on the days when we had slept through his 3 am check, only too wake up to him screaming. I loved those screams because it meant that my child was still breathing. It meant that I hadn't missed a fatal low in the middle of the night. It meant that even though I had failed in my duty to monitor his diabetes, I had another day to get it right. In that case, I loved the sound of screaming.
Along the same lines, we quickly discovered that screaming was not just screaming with Joshua. If there wasn't a good reason for the screaming, it usually meant that he was high. He wasn't old enough to tell us that he was feeling bad, so he screamed.  Sure, there was the occasional time where he would be screaming to scream, but we always tested. I would say that 85% of the time, he was high if he was screaming for no reason. So, I was never that parent who complained about listening to my child cry. That joyful noise saved my hide on more than one occasion. 

This post was written several years ago. I am trying to rediscover blogging. I couldn't just leave it sitting there with the big old "draft" next toIit. Crazy to think about how much has changed since I wrote this!

Hypo-drunkness is scary!

I had fun in college. My poison of choice was captain Morgan's spiced rum and Pepsi. There were quite a few Friday and Saturday nights (a lot of Thursday's too) spent with a drink in my hand seeing just how stupid I could get. I'm not proud, but I had a good time. Some of the most interesting moments were those that we caught on video. We would watch back a video from the party the night before and cringe. Adult men, well on there way to earning college degrees and being professionals, were acting like  brainless morons. It was common to see someone talking on the video making no sense at all. We would laugh at that point because, at that point we were all ok. It's really disturbing though, the effect that being "drunk" has on your ability to function. It is just as disturbing to see similar effects from a 3 year old. 

D-Blog week post 7 - My D hero

Today's post is about our diabetic hero. I didn't have to think long about mine. My hero has never been in the news, or made a million dollars. He has never saved a bus full of orphans from falling off a cliff. He is my hero because he changed how I thought about diabetes. He stands 3 feet tall and is the bravest guy I know. My 3 year old Joshua. He has had thousands of shots, numerous hi's and lows, and some rough experiences. He rarely complains. He loves with his entire heart. He has gotten used to the multiple devices he has to wear on a daily basis. He knows that he is different. He knows that food is not just food for him. He knows the difference between "Joshua I need you to eat this" and "Joshua, I NEED you to eat this". He knows when he is low and usually says "I want to eat"! He can eat a banana in his sleep. He is a rockstar and so well behaved. He is an inspiration and is the reason I will be at every JDRF event that I can be. They have to find a cure for him. He is amazing, and is my little boy. 

D-blog day 5 - What they should know!

What do I want people to know about diabetes. There are so many things that I wish people understood about type 1 diabetes. There is one that stands out. There is a quote that spells it out. "There are only two things people with type 1 can't eat. Poison, and cookies.....that have been made with poison." We can put anything into our mouths that we want to. We cover it with insulin. My 3 year old can eat anything that's your 3 year old can. In fact, he needs those carbs to grow. He can have cupcakes if he wants. Apple juice did not cause his diabetes. I can eat ice cream when I feel like it. No, I shouldn't eat it all the time, but neither should you! So, mind your business and don't tell me about nutrition. Otherwise, I will spend 30 minutes educating you about diabetes. I will use small words and speak slowly to make sure that you understand. You still won't get it, but I will have tried.

D-blog day 4 post - My miracle device

My miracle device It would be normal for a diabetic, or parent of a diabetic to want the invention of a new device for the treatment of diabetes. They would want a constant glucose monitor that would seamlessly communicate with an insulin pump in real time. They would want that CGM to be accurate to within +\- 5 points (I'm reasonable, right). This glorious unit would be the size of a small bandaid, so that it would not cause undo attention. The sensors involved would only need to be replaced every six months, but would not be susceptible to infection. That is what most people would want. Me? I want a new microscopic transmitter that looks like Donald Trump and is directly injected into the pancreas. Its only function would be to tell the pancreas to do its job or it will be fired. That what I want!

D-blog Day 3 - What needs work?

Do it because it's good for you! I hated to read when I was a child. I grew up in the 80's, so I was in love with the tv. My Mom tried everything to get me interested in reading. Finally, when I was in the fifth grade I entered into a bet with my parents. The deal was that I had to go an entire year without watching tv and in return I would get $500. That was a lot of money to an 11 year old. The first month was hard, but then Mom started taking me to the library every week. Boredom vanished and I discovered a love for reading that has never disappeared. It is hard to realize that something that is good for you can have such benefits.

D-blog week 2012: Post 2

I came across a post that said that this was Diabetes blog week. A different topic every day. I posted yesterday, but I am going to try their topics for the rest of the week. Today is: What I rock? I rock the role (hehe) of being an ambassador for type 1 diabetes. Wherever I am found, it is very likely that I am having a conversation somehow related to diabetes. Case in point. I went to a work conference last week when someone noticed me testing right before lunch. I answered a few questions and the next thing I know, I had rattled on for 30 minutes on counting carbs and the benefits of pumping. Now, I was at a meeting for therapy managers who work with a geriatric population, so they were somewhat interested in diabetes. I have had conversations in restaurants, grocery stores and the gym. What is funny is that when I was first diagnosed at 26 years old, I never wanted to talk about it. I didn't want anyone to know that I was diabetic. In fact, I didn't act like I had diabetes at all. I became a champion of diabetes education a little over two years ago. That was when my then 11 month old son was diagnosed. We almost lost him, and that was more than enough of a wake up call to change my view on diabetes. Now I am pumping and doing everything I can to put diabetes in its place. I have type 1 and I rock diabetes on a daily basis!

What can you do in your sleep?

What can you do in your sleep? You are always hearing the random case of sleep walking in your sleep. There are always the crazy stories about someone doing something ridiculous and blaming it on sleep walking. Then there are the people that talk in their sleep. That is just asking for trouble. I have had conversations with my wife while she was sleeping. Full blown conversations that she doesn't remember in the morning. (I promise that she told me she wanted me to skip work and play golf that day :) Anyway, these are all intriguing talents, but there is one that is more impressive. The act of eating in your sleep. 

Swing Low, Sweet...Nope. Nothing sweet about lows!

Ok, lows are not my friend. Joshua has been consistently low for more than a week. Last weekend at his brother's baseball game, Joshua was in the 50's. Shannon gave home about 150 carbs and he still didn't go over 100. We struggled with it all night. With a little help from a friend, we decided to do a zero temp basal for 3 hours. We checked him at 3:00 am and he was a respectable 179 with arrows up on Dex. So we resumed his normal basal thinking all was good. At wake up, he was 62. This has been a struggle all week long. Shannon took him to his normal endo appointment and the doc said she thought he probably had some sort of intestinal virus. A week later, he is low again today. Are some batches of insulin stronger? Is he cured :) I just wish diabetes would pick a script and stick to it!

So much to say!

Well, it has obviously been a while since my last post. A good deal of stuff has happened since then. I took a new job that uprooted us from our home and support system. It is a great job (and I've already been promoted), but it was hard to leave. The newest bit of information is that I started on the Omnipod pump system. I started mine about two weeks after my two year old started. Oh boy am I going to have some stories about that. It has been great so far though. The first real post I am working on has to do with the BG of 28 that I saw last week. That was scary. Hope to get consistent on here again. I have missed the outlet.

Request for seven things about me

So, Shannon posted on her blog seven things about herself in reply to a nomination she received. Then she asked me to do the same. I guess I put it off because I didn't figure that anyone would really want to know about me. However, she asked and is something that I can do for her. So read if you like, or skip it if you are so inclined. Up to you.

1. I have never lived anywhere other than the state of Virginia. The state of confusion doesn't count (although I have dual residency). I grew up in Spotsylvania outside of Fredericksburg. I went to school at Longwood College in Farmville, which coincidentally is where I met Shannon. Right after school I moved to Front Royal for my first year of working in the schools. I have lived in Chesapeake ever since.

2. Peter Pan is my hero. I am a kid at heart. I love to play video games. I really enjoy playing airsoft with my nephews and brother in law. It is a great release for me. I believe in magic. No really, it's out there. We just don't look closely enough :)

3. I have always wanted to be a writer. I have written several children's books which are housed safely in my journal. I have an ongoing book of poetry, which at last check had about 60-70 poems in it. I have started numerous novels before getting caught up on everyday life and not working on them again. One day i will sit down and write one of the many stories in my head. Even if it's just for me.

4. I am a speech pathologist working as a specialist with a school devision which caters almost predominantly to children with autism. Years ago i would have told you that this was the last place I would want to work. It just wasn't an interest for me. I was fortunate to be forced, through lack of options, to take a job here. I have never looked back. I love the kids that I get to work with. I feel like i am making a difference. Now i spend more time shaping the clinicians i have on my team, but i like sharing that knowledge as well.

5. I have two very strange obsessions. I collect man bags and pens. I call these obsessions because they really don't make sense. Unique and beautiful pens have always been a weakness. I especially love hand turned, wooden pens. It's hard to explain. The bag issue is just as strange. I use multiple bags on a daily basis out of necessity. I have to be able to carry my laptop, paperwork, and all therapy materials to all of the schools i go to. So whenever i see a bag in the store, i am always thinking of ways i can use it, and why it is better than the bags i already own. It's a sickness. I know.

6. I have a not so secret desire to go back to school to get my Ph.D. I have known for years that it was something that I wanted to do. In grad school i led a study group for several of our classmates. They were always saying that I was able to explain concepts in a way that made sense. More often than not, information wasn't understood until I re-explained it. That was a big compliment for me, and I thought from that point on that I would loke to teach at the college level.

7. I have wanted to be many things in my lifetime. The list is long but includes a firefighter, FBI agent, lawyer, doctor, actor, writer, teacher, college professor, Military officer, lifeguard, and pilot to name a few. The one thing that i have known I wanted to be for many years that actually stuck was a Father. My boys are incredible. It helps that they have an incredible Mother. To look at them and imaging all of the accomplishments that they will have in their lifetime is wonderful. I love racing cars and serving as a mountain to climb on. I love teaching them about sports, and animals, and art. It is a scary thought that Shannon and I are shaping them into the men that they will become, but i know that I will be so proud of them. No matter what.

So there are some facts about me. Take from it what you will. I like being me :)

Awesome Easter Bunny!

The Easter Bunny is awesome! At our house, the Easter Bunny's name is Shannon. I know that you are all already aware that my wife is awesome. Sunday, she surpassed even herself. She has been shopping for months for the boys Easter baskets, because we didn't want to over do the candy. They got little action figures, cars, bubbles, and several other things. In the center of the table was a bowl full of candy. Then there was the note from the Easter Bunny which read, "I know how hard counting carbs can be, so I left the bags for you." Talk about laying groundwork for the future. The boys had an amazing morning. I made pancakes and the we all enjoyed church. Simple pleasures, right. I just wanted to note how amazing our "bunny"visit was this year!

Out of the mouth of babes...

Do you know the show "Kids say the darnedest things"? That is a true statement if there ever were one. My boys are totally adorable. This post though, is about my Non-D 5 year old, Jackson. Now, let me preface this post with the fact that Jackson is "all boy". He loves to play rough, race his cars, and run around like crazy. All in all, he is such a sweet little guy, and I was reminded of that last night.

We were getting ready for bed, and Jackson had a dreaded case of the hiccups. Shannon and I tried getting him to take deep breaths, and take sips of water, but nothing was working. Suddenly Shannon gave him a "boo" and it startled him, but the hiccups were still there. He asked why she did that and Shannon told him that sometimes a little scare would frighten the hiccups away.

Now the cute part. My very smart 5 year old sat there and thought for a second. Then he turned around, waited for me to look at him, and then shouted "boo" at me. I looked at him funny, and he responded "Daddy I thought I could scare yours and Joshua's Diabetes away." All I could do was smile. He may be a typical five year old in a lot of ways, but in my eyes, he is exceptional!

A Poem for that horrible day

I wrote this shortly after coming home from the hospital with Joshua, after a long stay in the PICU:

Your skin so pale
like gray fallen snow
with fear and concern all around
your eyes stayed closed
and your body so limp
in stillness you made not a sound

The doctors all wondered
what it could be
"He's so young, he must just be ill"
time went so slow
all more confused
you lay on the table so still

A sudden alarm
your sugars too high
how do we help you come back
the IV's won't go in
your body's too dry
the doctors came in like a pack

They moved us upstairs
the PICU was ready
the nurses, their best of the best
eyes flutter open
fear and relief side by side
more blood needed for each new test

Our fear more intense
tears hit the floor
to see you with tubes in your arm
we worried and prayed
we failed at our role
to keep you safe from all harm

The numbers so high
started to fall
as we let out the greatest of sighs
you woke up and half smiled
and played with your toes
as our hopes continued to rise

We moved yet again
the nurses concerned
with numbers and math we must learn
your flirtation came back
with a smile on your face
so happy for a joyous return

The tubes all came out
they let us go home
we worried just how we would know
with faith, love, and books
we began our new path
of keeping you safe while you grow

Can't the bank hand out fruit to kids...not lollipops?

So I went through the bank drive through yesterday to make a deposit. I had both boys with me in the car, and we were jamming to some kid friendly music. I saw the teller getting my envelop ready, and watched her pick up two lollipops. I got annoyed. I don't know why though. When i was a kid, i loved getting lollipops from the bank. What am i supposed to say? "I'm sorry. We try and avoid simple sugars, like letting sugar syrup harden in a mold that my children can then suck on. Do you happen to have some grapes, or maybe an apple instead?" In the end, I took them, said thank you, and put them away for later. I saved them for big brother and gave Joshua something that I could carb count when we stopped. It just sucks that we have to play these chess games every moment of every day. I guess it still frustrates me a good amount because I only get these experiences on a limited basis. Unfortunately I am usually at work during the better part of the day. When the boys and I are out, just the guys, these things really make me appreciate all of the work and stress that Shannon has to deal with on a daily basis. D-Moms have to be some of the strongest people in the world. If the aren't, they fake it really well!

The boomerang should stay in Australia

When I was a kid, I loved the thought of playing with a boomerang. I had seen them in several shows and just thought they were the coolest thing ever. Then, I went to the museum of natural history on a field trip, and you will never believe what the were selling in the gift shop. For a mere several dollars, I bought my very own boomerang. We were inside so there was no way to try it out, but I was so excited. We went to a park to eat lunch after leaving the museum, and I knew I would get my chance. While everyone else scouted out the best places to sit for lunch, my best friend and I went in search for an open area to try my new toy. Now let me first say that I knew how boomerangs were supposed to work, I had seen them on tv after all. So, I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise at what happened after I threw it. I expected it to come back. I just expected to catch it with my hands and not my head. I immediately gave it to my friend and decided I didn't like boomerangs.

Guess what? Now as an adult, I like boomerangs even less. Though instead of the wooden ones hitting me in the head, it is the blood sugar boomerangs hitting me in my meter. If I have a bowl of ice cream at night and cover it accordingly, why does the body decide it must come racing back to ground zero at light speed. I can feel the boomerang coming as it zeros in. My lips get super cold and tingly. Shannon says I get this weird look in my eyes and I start acting like I've had a few Captain and diet's. The same thing happens with Joshua, my youngest. Isn't diabetes hard enough without crazy variables? Just a rant that I thought I would throw out to the choir :)